Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Physician Clearance

Something you’ll read on every diet aid or exercise contraption/gadget is a warning to see your doctor before starting an exercise program. For the benefit of this blog and to seem like I’m conforming I’m posting this interview I had with a physician yesterday. I’ll call him Dr. Anonymous.

*The official disclaimer* There’s probably very little truth in here, but there is some. We’ll call it embellished and fairy tales. This is in no way to advise an actual person on starting an exercise program, ie do not sue me.

Dr.: Hi Julie. How’s it goin?

J: Fine. Listen, I’m doing a post for my blog and I was wondering if I could interview you anonymously?

Dr.: ….

J: It’s a real topic. I got a treadmill and I want to start an exercise program. I’d like to know what you would recommend, knowing me and my health.

Dr.: Well, where are you starting at?

J: I did a trial run on the treadmill. I didn’t prepare or warm up. I just got on and ran for .18 mile.

Dr.: *rolling eyes* That’s pretty low. The recommendation is to increase your distance by 10% each week.

J: Isn’t that like -2 in my case?

Dr.: In your case you may want to up that just a little. But 10% is the recommendation. And of course go for 30 minutes 3 times per week. Any more would cause a chance for an increase in injuries.

J: I noticed you seem to be in pain and limping. Why is that?

Dr.: I ran about 20 miles and hurt myself.

J: …dude, you need a car. So if I increase my distance by 10% that’s .018. Next time I should try to run .198?

Dr.: Yes. And in your case you need to premedicate with 2 puffs from your inhaler. Since you have asthma, it could be highly likely that you’ll have an asthma attack and die a slow horrible death. But it’s great that you want to exercise. *big smile*

J: ...*pondering*...So can I use the cup holder on the treadmill for beer?

Dr.: It’s a good way to get the carbohydrates you need for running. Absolutely.

J: Well, thank you Dr. Anonymous for your help. I’ll be giving you updates about my progress. Hope you can walk the rest of the day. *waving bye*
Next post…How I Died A Slow Horrible Death On The Treadmill…

1 comment:

  1. Hahahaha... I love this. :)

    I have one sentence that sums up my own physical activity:

    I exercise for my mental health, not physical. ;)

    See, that way it's successful. In all seriousness though, best of luck!