Monday, January 24, 2011

Fretting and Baloney (bologna)

It's been a week here.  I could say it's been SO busy but that's not really true.  It's been the usual.  I work on the weekends now.  This is not MY business.  It's the job I won't ever talk about because I'd like to keep it and I wouldn't do something dumb like post it in my Facebook profile and then bash someone about eating Jello.  Because, Dude, someone could read that and not like it and forward it to that company and then said person could lose their job.  I am not that kind of person...on most days. 

It has been a week, though.  I've been fretting about Rowan.  What I am about to tell you is strictly confidential, which is why I'm blabbing it all over the internet.  There's a reason to my madness.  I'm not particularly worried about her being accepted into some ivy league college, so if this comes back to haunt her, I don't think it will matter much. 

Rowan has an issue that we are dealing with head on and with all the force of a hurricane.  If you know me, then you know when something hits my radar it is addressed swiftly and with full power, resources, and determination.

She's having adjustment issues (in awesome shrink talk).  To preschool.  Think about that.  If I don't tackle this now then she is doomed to become an outcast.  Forever to walk on the fringe of society.

Well, maybe it's not that gloomy.  The reason to my madness is that it should be discussed.  I think we are all aware of things being swept under a rug and not spoken about.  At our house I need to make sure this is not a secret issue, in all things I do.  And since blogging is one of the things I do, this will now be a part of it.  We will not call it Rowan's Mental Health.  So where does this story begin?

Last year Rowan went to a Pre-K 3 class and all was well.  She knew everyone's name.  She was on top of all the social goings-on of the other 3 and 4 year olds.  She even did imaginary play at home with these kids.  Reenacting classroom scenes, doing problem solving by asking her ghost friends.  This year is different.

This year, we are now in January, a full semester into school, and Rowan cannot tell us anyone she goes to school with this year.  I thought at the beginning of a school year it might take a little while to learn the new kids' names.  However, the time has long passed for that.  Be nice, I did notice before the winter break that this was happening. 

We were planning on discussing this with the teacher at the next parent-teacher conference but then we had a little nudge to do something more.  Mostly, Rowan wanting to go to the restroom All. The. Time.  We thought she might have a bladder infection, etc.  We took her to the doctor to have the physical part checked out.  All o.k.  So now we are dealing with the psychological. 

Today I did 3 things.  1)  I enrolled her into gymnastics.  A group activity with other kids not in her classroom.  Also, an activity I think she might like as it involves jumping on things like furniture.  We watched youtube videos of spectacular gymnastic feats this evening to inspire her to Olympic greatness.  We did not watch youtube blooper videos of gymnastic fails.

2)  We had a parent-teacher conference.  There were some nagging questions I had.  Like, how did Rowan come home with great social skills on her report card yet have no knowledge of who she went to school with.  The teacher gave me the usual "she has no problems in class."  Then I took my glasses off.  This is my last straw sign.  I was determined to keep my cool and not blame the teacher.  I actually need her on our side.  I explained that sometimes there are other children who are problems in the classroom and they require so much attention that the good children start falling through the cracks.  The teacher liked this idea.  She also suggested that while most kids are already forming cliques, Rowan doesn't have an interest in that and wants to be friends with everyone.  I suggested Rowan has too many choices and it's making her crazy.  I also suggested we do this:  The teacher keep on working on her squeaky wheel problem students but stop giving Rowan too many choices for activities.  Give her two choices.  The teacher likes this and also participating in our next step.

3)  Counseling.  This is such a dirty word, isn't it.  I am determined not to think so.  I am determined to get Rowan through this now and not deal with who knows what when she is a teenager.  What's the counseling for?  Because I, nor Jace, went to Super Duper Parent School and we've reached a brick wall on what to do.  We also know there are answers and skills to help us.  We don't think she'll need medication, she's often remarked as being a very good child in public.  We think she'll, and us, will get some skills for coping and interacting with others and making friends.

What I'm afraid of?  We'll all end up in counseling.  Jace and I both grew up in homes that we are now repeating life problems, though less.   What I'm hopeful for?  Like I really have to say.  A healthy, happy child.

Got any suggestions?  Please let me know.  As always, thanks for "listening" to my blog.



  1. Being a parent of 2 boys, I am not an expert of the psycy of girls, except for myself. Maybe the first year was new, exciting and this year she is more down to business. Maybe she is going to be a girl that only has a handful of truly good friends that will be with her past high school. I think gymastics is great, but I wouldn't fret over the not knowing kids names in school, my son really didn't speak of friends until after 4th grade. I am available if you ever need to just talk.

  2. Good thing I know you are being a little tongue in cheek.


    Because preschool is just... preschool. Not that she shouldn't know people's names, but just that it's not that uncommon at 3 or 4.

    FYI, I can't find your email to respond back on your comments on my blog. Silly goose. email me:

    mctrickyb at sbcglobal dot net

  3. Thanks guys! She's very happy and social but something about this class is making my little flower girl start to wilt. :( It's like I can see she feels out of place, like a person in a room full of people but still feels alone. I'd rather do something now instead of waiting to see if it "works itself out." I'm a product of that line of thinking and I can tell you I wish someone would've been there to back me up. Would've saved me a lot of trouble. But I'll update how normal she is and how overreactive I am :D

  4. I am no where near this stage (my girl is just figuring out how to use a spoon), but the gymnastics idea sounds great. Good call on skipping the bloopers, nothing discourages activity like an exposed shin bone!
    Psychiatry is a young "science," with more theories than facts, but many in the field have good hearts & intentions. Child counselling is especially low-impact, and electro-shock went out of fashion long ago!

  5. PS Your comment on my Blog made me laugh out loud!

  6. Okay, I'm putting on my grad-school-I know-just-enough-to-be-dangerous hat. Socially, kids her age are still figuring it out and some of them participate in what is called parallel play, which is when kids will play near one another, but not with one another. That might explain why her teacher says she doesn't have any problems with the other kids and seems to play with them. Also, kids that age are really jealous and want a lot of their teacher's attention, which, like you said, isn't always easy when they have to devote so much time to the kids having problems. It's probably not a big deal, but good for you for advocating for your kid, Mama!! You have to do because no one else will!